Do you dribble in your sleep? Have you ever replied to a party invite saying you’re busy this weekend when in fact you just want a day without ferrying a child somewhere?
Do you watch back to back The Only Way is Essex when no one is in?
Confessions of a mother? Pft, I have a few. Only a few mind you . . .
1. I snore. I don’t think this requires any other explanation other than to say that, like most mothers I spent MONTHS feeding babies, mopping hot brows at silly o’clock while still having to get up at 6am and then even when they were fine and sleeping soundly, still waking because, well were they sleeping or was something wrong . . . You know the drill.
Now I get a full nights sleep and I enjoy every goddam minute of it.
2. I steal the children’s chocolate stash. Actually it’s worse than that. I hide it until they’ve forgotten about it and then scoff it myself.
I am actually helping them. Not doing me much good, but I do eat it in secret. Oh, hang on there’s confession number 3 . . .
4. I buy shoes and never wear them. I bought a pair of sky high (well, sky high for me anyway) shoe/sandal type things which I LOVE, but really, when will I wear them? I work at home. When I go to business meetings I need to be comfortable or I’ll turn into Mrs Angry Pants.
Let’s just hope my daughter ends up the same shoes size as me because this is her inheritance.
Maybe I’ll wear them tomorrow to work . . . (i.e. downstairs in the office and maybe walk to the kitchen in them . . .)
5. I swear like some tacky character from a movie when I’m in the car on my own. I can’t help it, it’s like a release.
I try hard, I really really do.
My goal is to be the best mother I can be, to show the kindness and love I’d like my children to show when they grow up and to basically lead by example.
BUT no one is perfect and when I’m in the car and they’re not, well, it’s a free for all.
6. I say I need the toilet when actually all I want is 5 minutes to myself.
7. If I come downstairs and the dog’s done a poo in the kitchen, I pretend I haven’t seen it and let the husband clear it up.
DO NOT tell him this as even to this day he still thinks he’s just really really unlucky.
8. I tell big fat blatant lies to my children. For years they brought soooo much artwork home from school. And it was always covered in glitter. Or bits of painted pasta. Or tissue paper that wasn’t quite stuck down. And it sheds E V E R Y W H E R E. So I told them I didn’t know where on earth it had gone when they went looking for it. ‘It’ll be where ever you left it’ I say.
Yes, yes I know, I know, I’m hanging my head in shame . . .
What’s WORSE than that, if ever they found it on the recycling pile I’d tell them daddy had put it there . . .
Come on, you know you want to, tell us all your confessions. You’ll feel better for it…