Confessions of a mother

tara cain

Do you dribble in your sleep? Have you ever replied to a party invite saying you’re busy this weekend when in fact you just want a day without ferrying a child somewhere?
Do you watch back to back The Only Way is Essex when no one is in?
Confessions of a mother? Pft, I have a few. Only a few mind you . . .

1. I snore. I don’t think this requires any other explanation other than to say that, like most mothers I spent MONTHS feeding babies, mopping hot brows at silly o’clock while still having to get up at 6am and then even when they were fine and sleeping soundly, still waking because, well were they sleeping or was something wrong . . . You know the drill.

Now I get a full nights sleep and I enjoy every goddam minute of it.

2. I steal the children’s chocolate stash. Actually it’s worse than that. I hide it until they’ve forgotten about it and then scoff it myself.
I am actually helping them. Not doing me much good, but I do eat it in secret. Oh, hang on there’s confession number 3 . . .

4. I buy shoes and never wear them. I bought a pair of sky high (well, sky high for me anyway) shoe/sandal type things which I LOVE, but really, when will I wear them? I work at home. When I go to business meetings I need to be comfortable or I’ll turn into Mrs Angry Pants.
Let’s just hope my daughter ends up the same shoes size as me because this is her inheritance.
Maybe I’ll wear them tomorrow to work . . . (i.e. downstairs in the office and maybe walk to the kitchen in them  . . .)

5. I swear like some tacky character from a movie when I’m in the car on my own. I can’t help it, it’s like a release.
I try hard, I really really do.
My goal is to be the best mother I can be, to show the kindness and love I’d like my children to show when they grow up and to basically lead by example.
BUT no one is perfect and when I’m in the car and they’re not, well, it’s a free for all.

6. I say I need the toilet when actually all I want is 5 minutes to myself.

7. If I come downstairs and the dog’s done a poo in the kitchen, I pretend I haven’t seen it and let the husband clear it up.
DO NOT tell him this as even to this day he still thinks he’s just really really unlucky.

8. I tell big fat blatant lies to my children. For years they brought soooo much artwork home from school. And it was always covered in glitter. Or bits of painted pasta. Or tissue paper that wasn’t quite stuck down. And it sheds E V E R Y W H E R E. So I told them I didn’t know where on earth it had gone when they went looking for it. ‘It’ll be where ever you left it’ I say.
Yes, yes I know, I know, I’m hanging my head in shame . . .
What’s WORSE than that, if ever they found it on the recycling pile I’d tell them daddy had put it there . . .

Come on, you know you want to, tell us all your confessions. You’ll feel better for it…

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33 Responses to Confessions of a mother

  1. Cerys says:

    I have taken a school jumper out of the wash basket, given it a good scrub with a wet wipe and sent them off to school…
    Cerys recently posted…A Few FirstsMy Profile

  2. Katharine says:

    I’m with you on the dog-poo. But it’s cats in our house, occasional sick & dead mice. You have to throw pasta collages away. When I was teaching, we came back to school after a weekend to find that all the pasta had gone from the kids work, eaten by mice!

  3. Iota says:


    My comments seem to be disappearing. Wonder why?

  4. Iota says:

    That one didn’t, and now it looks rather needy…

    My confession was that I don’t go to my children’s sports matches, because I find them boring, and I end up chatting to the other mums (which is probably annoying for them), and then I miss the golden moment where my child does something brilliant, and have to fib afterwards “Yes, I saw that! AMAZING!”.

  5. Libby Price says:

    I recognise sooooo many of these!

    In fact my friends reckoned I’d only had children 3 and 4 because the older two were getting better at auditing their chocolate stash.

    The reception teacher looked at me in disgust when I mentioned the recycling bin when she handed me child number 3s artwork folder the other day #badmotherawardagain

    I often have to go and do ‘important work on the computer’ – when actually I’m messing about on social media!

    I never believe the children when they say they’re ill and make them go to school. Which was fine until my daughter went in and vommed all over her teacher (and a little bit on your son too I believe Tara – sorry about that!)

    I know confessions is good for the soul but I think I may need to stop oversharing now………
    Libby Price recently posted…Life begins at ……… 41My Profile

  6. Amen! Love these, at least I know you are a human and love you even more! I would be scared to reveal mine…..
    Mirka Moore @Kahanka recently posted…7 Things to Do in TurkeyMy Profile

  7. That cracked me up. I take frequent breaks in the toilet too! I also swear in the car and also out loud to myself (the computer) when home alone and, yes, I do occasionally blame Daddy for things I’ve done wrong. Because mums are perfect, aren’t we? 😉
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…Mother’s DayMy Profile

  8. Grenglish says:

    I pretend not to like reality TV but have episodes of TOWIE, MIC and RHONY stored on the planner.
    If I’m not planning on leaving the house, then I’ll happily stay in my PJs all day.
    I pluck my eyebrows and stray chin hairs at traffic lights
    I buy accessories, loads of them. I have a whole drawer dedicated to them. Big fancy cocktail rings, sparkly necklaces and bangles in every colour. I wear them on the school run because I never go anywhere else.

    p.s. I hide in the loo too!

  9. I leave it to the very last millisecond to drop my daughters off at school/nursery so I don’t have to make mindless weather chit-chat with the other Mums.

    I tell myself I’m teaching my children to be confident and independent by letting them do things for themselves, but in truth it’s because I can’t be bothered doing it.

    When I’m at home by myself I use disproportionately coarse swear words, just to make the very most of the opportunity.

    I never get around to signing Big Sis up for gymnastics class she keeps asking about because, frankly, I can’t be arsed sitting in the carpark for an hour every week, tapping out emails on my iPhone until pick up time.

    FYI, I’m just getting warmed up…
    Jax @ recently posted…WIN! £500 OF NEW FLOORINGMy Profile

  10. Lying has to be the big one for me … That daddy must have deleted the silly little cartoons off planner when actually it was me, that Alf our doggy has eaten his jelly babies when actually it is me, then I feel really guilty when G tells Alf off and he looks at me as if to say that’s not fair, oh and definitely that it isn’t morning, the sun isn’t awake and that he must go back asleep, thank goodness for his black out blind … Phew *wipes brow* but sssshhh don’t tell anyone
    Life as our little family recently posted…Mother’s Day Crafts, Fresh Air & Bare Ankles #LittleLovesMy Profile

  11. LauraCYMFT says:

    Oh my, apart from the shoes bit (I buy shoes, lots of shoes but I wear them LOL!) I’m guilty of all of those things. Oh and it’s the cat not the dog in our house LOL.
    LauraCYMFT recently posted…365 Project 2015 Days 67 – 73My Profile

  12. Yep I do number 2! And if I had a dog I would do number 7. I have waited to let my husband sort out the kids if they get up in the night but ssshhhh don’t let him know that!
    Louise Fairweather recently posted…Chicken Satay Recipe and Degustabox reviewMy Profile

  13. Jan Cross says:

    Oh how this made me chuckle. I’m too scared to reveal my secrets!!! X
    Jan Cross recently posted…Why Book through meMy Profile

  14. Forage for food supper nights – when I’ve justhad enough so I tell my 6yo that supper is a bag of crisps, an apple, a yougurt, and a cupcake for dessert. Well cupcakes have eggs in them right?

    And last week I had pms, had gone to bed too late and it was pourng with rain outside at 7am so I let her sleep in and we went to school at 11am. I told the teacher she wasn’t feeling well in the morning but she’s fine now. Karma got us because she missed the Hebrew lesson so we had loads of homework to catch up in the workbook that evening.
    Midlife Singlemum recently posted…The Class Trip And Why We LiedMy Profile

  15. Lottie Lomas says:

    I too am a snorer but deny it, even when presented with a recording of myself. I am messier than my children, but blame them for EVERYTHING. And sometimes I tell my kids i’m ill just so I can have a lie down for half an hour.

    I’m ill A LOT.

  16. Nikki Thomas says:

    Oh I have done so many of those; especially the chocolate one. Mine would be deflating balloons (hate them) or accidentally letting them out of the window after a day or so and then denying all knowledge of the balloon ever existing. I think I lie too my kids too much too, whenever I give them a lecture about lying I always feel very guilty (for about thirty seconds anyway) Oh and I used to tell them that their noses grew when they were lying, they believed that one for years
    Nikki Thomas recently posted…The Mysterious Missing Chocolate Bar feat. Seed and BeanMy Profile

  17. Put it this way, I am resisting them learning to tell the time because it rather damages my ability to say it is LATE, past your bedtime, time for bed (at 6pm…)
    Muddling Along recently posted…Emerging from survival modeMy Profile

  18. Mwa says:

    I swear in the car when my kids are in it. It’s a bit upsetting when my four year old repeats what I say…
    Mwa recently posted…BackMy Profile

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