Mia and I had a row today.
She acted totally out of character and then I acted totally out of character and shouted at her.
Really shouted. Lost my cool.
She slammed all the doors in the house to storm off to her room. And I sat downstairs and felt like a total and utter heel.
I let her wind up up into a tight coil and then *ping* I unravelled.
I shouted for her to go to her room. I just can’t stand to be around her. Which she did, but when I sit and take stock and listen I can hear her sobbing. Actual sobbing. Gasping for breath, muffled every now and again as she obviously buries her head in her pillow.
And I felt like a total and utter heel.
There’s nothing in the Parenting Manual about that is there?
There is nothing about keeping your cool when an issue raises its head and you’re so shocked by it your only reaction is to shout like some demented banshee.
Today Mia did something at school that totally appals me. She took her lovingly crafted party invites into class and handed them out to every excited child. The whole class. Except one. She left one girl out. In front of everyone else.
My girl was the mean girl.
The girl she left out lives just around the corner from us. She plays here all the time. There are issues with the friendship, but even so, as far as I’m concerned Mia crossed a line.
And I think my reaction was more from shock than anything else. And the fact that she was so blasé about it.
My girl is the mean girl.
After a couple of hours she appears in the doorway with a tray. A cup of tea, a muffin surrounded with fresh berries and a handmade bunch of flowers.
Bosh, straight to my heart. She knows me oh so well.
We talk about what she’s done, the consequences of her actions etc etc
We do a little role play to replay the incident, me hoping when she sees it in the cold light of day she too will be appalled with it.
But I don’t know how much of it went in. How much of it she’s taken onboard. She is adamant that what she has done isn’t as bad as I’m making out.
Seriously, WHO is this child? And why is she acting in a manner so alien to me?
I’m looking for any help or advice here, because I absolutely want to nip this in the bud right here, right now.
She wails and cries and shows real emotion to begin with, but then the barriers go up and she’s all “what do I care?”, “so not bothered” etc etc.
She’s such a gorgeous, caring, polite girl, but there is this side to her I don’t recognise AT ALL. And, of course, like all good parents, I feel like it must be my fault somehow; something I’m doing wrong. Somehow I’ve failed.
Life as a parent isn’t all Instagram pictures and home baking. It’s bloody tough. Those toddler years are seeming like a walk in the park at the moment!
* NOTE: I actually wrote this before we went on holiday, about four weeks ago, and have sat on it ever since wondering whether to post it or not.
But it’s a big black cloud over our lives at the moment and I really do genuinely want advice from anyone who has been through this or has anything to offer.