How to test a new washing machine

1. Look the part
Obviously the first thing you need to do is look like you’re going to be professional about this.
To Dan this meant popping the plastic lenses out of a pair of 3D glasses we snaffled from the cinema, slicking his hair down and looking like a modern day Joe 90.
Dan: “Who’s that then?”
I start to explain who Joe 90 is, but it sounds beyond daft so I give up and say ‘he’s a cool kid that’s really brainy.
That seems to satisfy him.

2. Get something really dirty
Like a rugby kit?
From the day dad and Dan came home from a game and I SCREECHED at them at the front door to get their stuff off before they came any further in and left a trail of destruction across the kitchen floor.
What, did you bathe in mud? Look at the state of you both, I say in a high-pitched, slightly hysterical voice.
I have turned into my mother.

3. Review the results
The machine is soooo quiet, it doesn’t take as long as my old machine AND it has settings for Outdoor gear (rugby/footy/running kit), Daily Wash (everyday items), Denim (higher water level, extra rinse), a 15 minute wash (FIFTEEN MINUTES) and – oh my fav – a setting to clean your drum.
I am so middle aged.
It also claims to be uber energy efficient by throwing loads of bubbles into your wash which does some jiggery pokery and means it cuts your wash time right down as well as the amount of water used. AND you don’t even really have to read the manual to get it going.
I am a middle aged MAN.

We were given a new Samsung Eco Bubble to review which has to be the most bizarre thing I’ve been offered through this to date, but given the fact that my current machine was limping through each load I was shoving into it’s mouth, I snapped their hand right off!

We’ve been using it for a week now and I still look forward to loading her up.
But still, HOW do we generate so much bloody washing? HOW?
Answers on a postcard please.

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