We all feel like crap parents at some point.
Like we’ve failed. Like we’ve fallen short. Like we could have done better somehow.
I felt slightly better when MamaPop did a great post listing TV’s worst fictional moms. But I was all, who? I didn’t really know any of them (as they were mainly American shows).
Then BlogUpNorth tagged me with a post about being good to your daughters and asked what we learnt from our father or mother.
At the same time Liz Jarvis at Living With Kids was asking the question What Mums Do You Admire? Hmm, I confess I struggled.
So I rolled all of these things up into a ball and came up with my own list. Of rubbish mums.
Read this and realise that actually, even on your really really bad days, you’re a whole heck of a lot better than this lot.
(Of course it’s not a definitive list. It’s a list of films I’ve seen and felt like writing about. I’m sure you can add some of your own . . . )
6. The Home Alone Mum
I’ve left the house and forgotten the nappies/the wipes/the DS charger before now. Hell, I’ve even forgotten my camera and that thing is attached to be like an extra limb.
But forget a child? And she didn’t just do it once.
Sure we’ve all suffered when our brain turns to mush after becoming a parent but this is Unforgivable. Even if your child is as annoying as Macaulay Culkin.
5. The ‘Other’ Mother: Coraline
She’s perky, perfect and always has a roast dinner on the table.
Until that is her ‘daughter’ decides to rebel and suddenly she grows great wirey legs and a bad case of black lipstick and tries to put her offspring on the dinner table.
Oh, and she wants to remove her eyeballs.
It might ‘only’ be an animated kids movie, but dark and sinister enough for me.
4. Mama Fratelli: The Goonies
She walloped her sons around the head on a regular basis and ruled with an iron fist. Plus she dragged them into armed robbery and bullying little kids – I mean what kind of upbringing is that?
Then, just as they start to take a liking to one of the Goonie crew, she has them sticking his hand in a blender.
Abusive, shouty and rather cruel for a short, cranky woman. Plus she wears a beret.
3. Stifler’s mum: American Pie
My 7 year old son won’t allow me to kiss him at the school gate any more lest I embarrass him.
What the heck would he make of this cougar who seduces her son’s friends with little class or elan?
Sure his friends think she’s the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread, but eeuwww, is there anything more embarrassing than a horny mother?
Questionable parenting (although I suspect some men will disagree!)
2. Beverley Sutphin: Serial Mom
Sure she just wants what’s best for her kids. She provides a nice home, lovely meals, dresses like a ‘real’ mother and keeps the neighbourhood in order.
A perfect mum.
But, err hello, this Stepfordesque, pinny wearing wife is a MURDERER.
Criticising your child’s homework is one thing but most of us storm up to the school in a fowl temper. Not cut a swathe through the town with a giant pair of scissors.
Not much of a role model.
1. Eleanor Iselin: The Manchurian Candidate
So she went on to star as the loveable but sharp as a knife detective writer in Murder She Wrote, but Angela Lansbury was unlikely to win any parenting awards as the mother to a Korean War vet in this classic movie.
Cold, calculating, scheming, manipulative and deadly ambitious – and she uses her own son in a plot to overthrow the government.
And by use I mean had her son turned into an assassin without his knowledge.
And then there is the kiss she gives him to prove just how much she loves him.
A real monster.