1. No Daniel, I can’t teach you how to snog. It’s inappropriate.
2. Thank you, but no, I don’t want to see the bone in your willy
3. Mia, can you please eat something other than frozen peas?
4. No I can’t carry you up the stairs you’re not a baby any more. And I’m not strong enough.
5. No. No. I still can’t trust you with scissors.
6. Please please don’t wake me up with a poke in the face.
7. Mia, STILL I’m having to tell you: Wipe your bottom.
8. Daniel if you’re going to underarm trump do it at home with us. Not at school, not at the supermarket and I really don’t think grandma is interested in learning how to do it.
9. No Mia you can’t wear shorts it’s too cold. And no I won’t turn the heating up to make it like summer.
10. No Mia, you’re not a mountain goat, you’re a girl. Now get down.
Things I have learned:
You will say ‘no’ an average of 152 times every single day.
Anything you say under your breath they will hear instantly. Anything you say out loud they will not.
You will have to give an instruction 4 times before it sinks through the outer layer of their skull.
Boys start turning into men at a very very early age.
For the love of god, someone stop me turning into my mother!