Can you spell M O R T I F I E D?

I’ve talked before about being embarrassed in public by my children.
I thought I was over the worst.
I didn’t think it could get worse than the Dummy Incident. Or the Doctor’s Surgery Incident.

I was wrong.

I took the children for a pub lunch and am in the toilets with Mia who wants to sit there with the door open while I stand in the doorway.
We seem to spend a lot of our early parenting years in the doorways of toilets.
A lady comes out of the cubicle next to us and goes to wash her hands.
She is rather large.

Mia has gone quiet. Her constant chattering comes to a deadly halt.
This is a Bad Sign.
The air fills with a thick sense of foreboding as I await the killer question.
Mia: “Mummy I know why some people in this world are fat.”
Oh god. There it is. She’s talking very loudly.
It also dawns on me that this is the landlady.
“It’s because they eat so much food, isn’t it? And they just don’t know when to stop do they? Do they mum? Mum. Mum. MUM!
“Fat people need to stop being greedy don’t they mum?”

And right there in the ladies toilets of the Red Lion pub I feel the hot burning fires of hell lapping around my ankles as I mentally add yet another venue to our ‘places we can never ever visit again’ list.

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