1. Learn to do everything with a football attached to his feet.
Brushing teeth, getting dressed, watching TV – I’ve even caught my son having a wee while still manipulating a football.
Playing with it in the kitchen while you’re trying to cook? Check.
Playing with it while you’re trying to get shoes/coat on for the school run? Check.
Better it attached to his foot than left in the doorway you’re just about to walk through with the pile of ironing in your arms . . .
2. Trumping is the height of hilarity
It was like a rite of passage: The minute my son cracked the mystery of how to do ‘under arm trumps’ (his phrase) it spread like wild fire through his friends.
The parents must have loved me.
Still, if you think you’ve got it bad, spare a thought for their teacher . . .
3. It dawns on them that the world really isn’t perfect
Questions, questions so many questions.
It’s great that they are so inquisitive, that they are questioning the world around them but just wait until you’re landed with the likes of:
“What’s the point of sarcasm anyway?”
“If the election is so important, why is everyone saying it was a waste of time?”
“I thought you said eating biscuits before dinner was really bad for you? And why are you eating them behind that door?”
4. They can read. Everything.
You can’t get away with “Pokemon has already finished” when scanning the TV guide or “that notice there says that all the DS games are sold out”.
You will also have to pay a visit to the neighbour down the road who has parked his white van near your house with the ‘fruity’ graffiti written in the dirt on the back doors and ask him nicely to a. move it b. clean it or c. write something more appropriate for a 7 year old to read.
5. There’s a bone in my willy.
Seriously, if I had £1 for every time he says this I could buy myself a very expensive new gadget.
It’s been an obsession for a loooong time now and it shows no sign of abating. I suspect it’s only going to get worse.
6. You will know the true meaning of ‘pride’.
No matter what they excel at (sport, academia, cooking, music) you will be look at that boy and love him with a love you never thought possible.
And then he hugs you; a big, gangly boy hug, and suddenly none of that other stuff actually matters.
This is a follow on from the post: 6 things you need to know about raising a 4 year old girl.
So what have I missed: What would you add?