1. Your toilet will always and forever carry the faint whiff of wee.
Clean it all you like. Buy as many freshener blocks as you can. You will never quite reach that one crevice where your little man has managed to deposit the tiniest droplets of wee.
Because that’s all it takes.
2. You will spend a small fortune on shoes and school trousers.
Thank heavens for supermarkets selling school trouser for £4.
Tonight Daniel has come home with yet another pair with half the knees missing. If it’s not the knees it’s the cuff where it drags under his heel because he hasn’t hitched his trousers up around his waist properly.
He has come home from school looking like I sent him via a rugby pitch.
And don’t even get me started on shoes. I’ve become such a regular at our local shoe shop, the assistant knows us by first names and has even started giving me a ‘oh you poor love, not again’ look as we walk in the door.
3. You will fight a losing battle with dirt.
The only time Daniel’s fingernails are clean is the first 10 minutes after stepping out of the bath.
Every night I find smears of dirt behind his ears and across his neck, and big inky patches on the sides of his hands.
Before now, Daniel has been swimming and come home with dirty fingernails. How is this possible?
4. Willy willy willy willy willy
I’ve talked about the willy phenomenon before, but it only intensifies with age.
“Mummy, mummy, look look there’s a bone in my willy!”
“Why does my willy go all funny when I’m watching the telly sometimes?”
“When I grow up will I get a willy like daddy’s?”
The willy talk is endless. It is, however, a walk in the park when compared with all the willy playing.
5. Boys offer total and unconditional love
Girls don’t seem to be born with the sensitivity chip that boys have.
Sure they love you, they love you lots, but they want to put their beloved Baby to bed first and then watch Dora and then put Baby in the dolls bath that’s stored on top of the wardrobe.
Then, maybe, she’ll give you a hug.
Boys are wired differently.
It’s not that girls don’t love you, but boys are just more loving.
I can feel the love radiating from my son. He looks at me and smiles and love shines from his every pore.
He is the first to offer me comfort, the first to kiss me every morning and the first to tell me ‘mummy you are so beautiful’ when I feel like crap.
I never quite understood all the talk of that ‘special’ mother/son bond.
Now I do.