We can officially defend Great Britain from our lounge

We don’t really do weapons in our house.
I’m by no means a ‘no child of mine will ever play with guns’ kinda mum, but Dan has never really been that into shooting everything that moves.

He’s more of a thoughtful child. Takes after his mum, that way.
Likes puzzles and books and playing Top Trumps.

But at a recent playdate at my house, a friend of mine brought her two boys round to play (three schoolage boys racing around my house – what was I thinking!) and she’s a bit of a stickler for ‘proper’ toys.
No plastic in her house, it’s all sustainable wood with a Fairtrade pedigree, child-friendly paint and didn’t originate from anywhere quite so crass as Toys R Us.

So Dan greets her first son with two foam swords and asks if he’d like to duel (foam swords are OK, right? Soft and squidgy and harmless – unless in the hands of my 3-year-old daughter, of course, then you’ll know how hard foam can be).

Anyway, his mummy smiles and lets out a little chuckle but her eyes say something totally different.
Over the next 10 minutes all four children race around my house, rooting through cupboards, raiding the playroom, crawling under beds and finally descend on the kitchen table with their booty.

OH. MY. GOD.

We have enough pistols, axes, hatchets, glow in the dark knifes (from Halloween), shields, rifles and swords to actually call it an arsenal!
And they are all wearing a helmet, a shield and a grimace.

Visitng mummy is also wearing a grimace and all I can think is where the hell did all that stuff come from?

* Originally posted on August 7, 2008.

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17 Responses to We can officially defend Great Britain from our lounge

  1. Insomniac Mummy says:

    Hehehee!

    These little people are excellent at unwittingly embarrassing us.

    Toy arsenal LOL!

    🙂

  2. Laura WOB says:

    Oh dear i think it's safe to say you might escape another visit from "pure mummy" for a while he, every cloud! I am rather jelous i don't get to play dragon slayers and cops and robbers though as it's all shops and doctors and mummy and tea party's at mine 🙁

  3. Sounds like my house. And what isn't actually a gun or sword gets made into one. The mop. A piece of bread can be chewed to the right shape. Any stick found outside. That is not to say that they don't also like a bit of jigsaw and playdoh too but in our house, with a bit of imagination, we could kit out the set of Gladiator.

    So glad it isn't just me!

  4. Lawyer Mom says:

    It's the toy black hole. We have several black holes at my house.

    That mom needs to take a chill pill!

  5. Hilarious.

    She probably has a secret stash of plastic guns, too, but would never admit to it….

  6. mimi says:

    Love the title, it's funny.
    You paint such a funny picture, perfect Mummy and all!

  7. Excellent! You should offer them up to the local neighbourhood watch as a small combat force for hire. A group of young kids brandishing weaponry and making lots of noise – truly terrifying.

  8. Mwa says:

    Kids will do anything to embarrass mum when other mothers come over. It's a law of nature.

  9. Maybe you should have said "oh I see you didn't find your fathers gun – phew" and watched her reaction then!!!

  10. @chachatwist says:

    Boys are great. The fights here are over the 'Disney Princesses' Dresses' which I always swore, would never enter the house.

  11. Mom/Mum says:

    So funny! I dint think we had any weapons in our house either, until I found my 2 boys at the lunch table with their 2 friends all 'shooting' each other with thier cheese sarnies…..

  12. Patricia says:

    I went and got foamy things that looked like guns, because I had one child who made everything into fighting material – dolls, blocks, legos, etc. After a wee bit that phase went away, and especially after about age 11 when death became very real with the passing of 2 cats.

    When one child in my carpool beamed another with his lunch box, it was a golden opportunity to explain war…and how it erupts. That 15 minute discussion has turned into on Master's Thesis on Peace and Communications and 2 papers on political situations. They don't even remember the foamy toys.
    Love your humor and good sense

  13. I went and got foamy things that looked like guns, because I had one child who made everything into fighting material – dolls, blocks, legos, etc. After a wee bit that phase went away, and especially after about age 11 when death became very real with the passing of 2 cats.

  14. Reminds me of Tuesday. Little Elf (1.75) and I walk into a small toy/clothes boutique. She leaves her pram and marches straight over to a box of water pistols shaped like colourful AK47s. She picks one. Then another. Then she tools up with the whole box, an armful as big as she is, marches up to the counter and looks up at me hopefully.

  15. But the visiting boys probably thought yours was 'the best house ever', the car journey home may have been a turning point….

  16. clareybabble says:

    I'm not keen on weapons as toys, but somehow S knows which of his toys make a handy weapon to hit his sister with!
    I've tagged you over at my blog x

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