Since starting school my 5-year-old son has become the Font of all Knowledge.
I am so very proud of this really bright, eager little man, but honestly, it’s embarassing.
He must drive his teacher mad. I can just imagine her crawling back home after a day teaching managing him and turning to a large drink and an intravaenous dose of chocolate to forget.
And not only does he know everything, he also never stops talking.
I mean he NEVER STOPS TALKING.
It’s relentless. He gabbles on so quickly sometimes he forgets what he was saying or where his thought process was heading and so veers off on some random tact without breaking a sweat.
If you try to interject – “Dan, can I just . . .”, “Dan, I was talking . . . “Dan there’s a slug in your Cheerios” – he just carries on like you accidently hit the mute button on your own personal remote control or it actually came out as: “just keep going son. Rambling is good. Don’t you stop. Go on Dan, go on” like some whispered mantra.
Clearly this isn’t something he inherited from me.
And much as I love that adorable, clever little chap, let’s face it, it’s not a winning combination.
When you’ve spent your entire working day listening to the colleague opposite you rant on about their football injury or their crappy keyboard or how you’ve only made them one cup of tea all day, the last thing you want as you’re winding down is a 5-year-old telling you that ‘actually mummy, there is time for two stories tonight, cheese sandwiches aren’t good for you if you have them two nights in a row and I’m going to show you how to get onto the snow level of Super Mario on my DS the minute we walk through the front door’.
All of this is usually prefaced with: “it’s SO the truth, mummy.”
So with all that in mind, here is Daniel’s latest verbal attack, fired at me shotgun style while driving him home from school last night.
School lessons are clearly veering down the spiritual route at the moment.
Me: “What did you do in school today?”
Dan: “Hmmm. Can’t remember” (do they teach them to say that in school? It is actually part of the curriculum? I only ask because every child I know says it. They can’t ALL be doing nothing between 9am till 3pm).
“But do you know what’s really good? And you will totally be amazed by this mummy.”
Here comes the scattergun factoid.
“Jesus saved us all. All of us. God is bigger. He’s so huge and he’s got everyone’s heart so he must be really fat and big. No, not fat just so so big. He is everywhere. All around us. Everywhere. But Jesus is better because he gave us all his blood. And it saved us.God just sat and watched. Actually God did help, he saved the animals. A lot of animals, so that is good. But he didn’t save the people. Us. Just elephants and ants and things. Usually two lots of them. Jesus lost his blood for us and that is the truth. I promise you.”
Then he paused as if thinking about the wonderment of what he’s just said and how amazing we all are and what a lot we have to be thankful for. Or so I think.
Then he said: “Do you think God saw me poking Lily (our cat) with a stick in the back garden yesterday?”