Apple Crumble Cake

Apple Crumble Cake

Every year we pick a bumper crop of apples from the tree at the bottom of our garden.
It’s a fruit tree my beloved grandpa bought for our new home when we moved in.
Now he’s gone, every year when we pick that bumper crop I make sure we celebrate with some apple-baked goodness to remember him by. He’d love that.

It’s usually a pie or an autumnal crumble, but this year I wanted to make something which I could take into work and share with my work colleagues.
A pie or crumble just wouldn’t cut it.

So I opted for an Apple Crumble Cake. Or an Apple Crumble traybake.
It was a bit of a new one for me, but boy oh boy it’s a winner; AND I’ve never had so many requests to share a recipe!

So here you go; a most excellent autumnal treat. Eat it warm from the pan, or keep it in the fridge for a slice. You should note it’s best only kept for a couple of days, however it may not be a problem you need to worry about as it doesn’t tend to last long!

Apple Crumble Cake recipe

Apple Crumble Cake

100g butter, at room temperature
110g caster sugar
1 egg
150g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp milk

5 large apples, peeled and chopped into bitesize pieces
1 nob of butter
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tbsp sugar

185g plain flour
1tsp baking powder
125g butter, from the fridge
165g caster sugar


  1. Preheat oven to 160 degrees C (320 F) and grease and base line a 20×30 cm pan.
  2. Add the apple, butter, cinnamon and sugar to a saucepan and cook over a low heat for about 10 minutes or until the apple is softened but still retains some bite. Take off the heat and leave to cool.
  3. Make the base mixture by creaming together the butter and sugar, then add the egg and beat well.
  4. Fold in the flour and baking powder and stir in the milk.
  5. Spread the mixture evenly in the bottom of the prepared tin.
  6. Make the topping by mixing the flour, sugar and baking powder together in a bowl. Add the butter in small chunks and then rub it into the flour mixture with your fingertips until it resembles breadcrumbs.
  7. Drain the liquid from the apples and add them evenly on top of the base mixture.
  8. Spoon over the crumble mixture evenly. For a little extra crunch you can sprinkle over some rolled oats or some chopped nuts.
  9. Bake in the centre of the oven for 40-50 minutes or until the top is golden.
  10. Leave to cool in the tin and then cut into slices.

apple crumble traybake

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First day of school. The senior school edition


His legs are long and lanky now, not the sturdy legs of a four year old when he first pulled his grey trousers on to go to school.
He wears a tie and a blazer and looks like a grown up. His school shoes no longer have ‘bumpers’ or velcro straps. They’re men shoes.
I lament the loss of my little boy but marvel at the young man in front of me.
He started senior school this week. Year 9.

Sunday night, I hover around his room wanting to get involved. He doesn’t need me but I’m feeling the need to be needed.
I fold a piece of kit here and there. Pretend I’m directing the proceedings but I’m just a hanger on really.

On Sunday he puts his uniform on for a test run. We have to pop into school for the afternoon with all the other boys in the year and the parents.
He looks amazing. I feel an overwhelming sense of emotion and pretend to go downstairs to fetch something, because honestly, this feels worse than that day in reception when he looked too small to spend the day in a classroom.
Now he’s too big. He’s growing up so fast. Where has that little boy in Reception gone?
I feel the past eight years of his school life rush at me; the disappointments, the tears, the joys, the Big Decisions.

Dan is now a senior school pupil. The next phase in his schooling starts now. The GCSE years. Everything gets serious from this moment forward.
And I feel as emotional now watching him disappear through the school gates with a huge rucksack on his back as I did eight years ago when he left my side to go to Reception.


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Adventures with a Citroën C4 Cactus

Citroen C4 cactus campingBefore we took delivery of our funky green Citroën C4 Cactus to review on a family camping trip to the Lake District I rolled my eyes and I moaned.

Seriously? HOW are we supposed to fit everything into that car? I looked it up online, I mentally tried to imagine my leggy teenager and preteen sitting in the back and bickering all the way up the M6 because ‘he’s in my personal space’ etc etc.

I imagined us playing car boot Jenga and failing miserably.
I imagined family rows and having to sit on sleeping bags and hating the whole experience.
I was the worst sort of moany, whingeing blogger.

“It will be fine” the PR soothed. “We’ve checked with Citroën and they assure us it’s fine for your trip and there’s a roof box on there too”.
Our trip was four days in a Hobbit Hole in the Lake District which we were all super excited about.
I mean, come on, a Hobbit Hole!
We had just returned from a fabulous family trip to Dubai, and we were loving the idea of a Hobbit Hole in the hillside!
But the car. Would this Citroën C4 Cactus fit all our bags in (it’s like travelling with four adults these days) and our sleeping bags, our pillows, our camping cooking gear? Hell we had a gas bottle for our camping stove. And we even packed a gazebo it turned out we didn’t even need in the end.

So the car came and everything fitted in fine. No one had to squish themselves in-between the car door and a gazillion bags.
In fact the nearly four-hour journey to the Lakes (the traffic was rubbish) was a breeze.
The husband and I looked at each other like we’d been fools. “I really like this car” he commented as we got to the pass the car sweets around stage. “I really like it”. He drove it the whole holiday. Some might say he hogged it. The husband works at a high-end car company and he criticises most cars.
The Cactus was winning us over, goddamit.

Citroen C4 Cactus dashboard

So we decided to reward her (for all cars are ‘hers’) with a little adventure!
We took her through Borrowdale and the stunning Honister Pass, which snakes through the Lake District and must be one of the most amazing roads to drive on.
We stopped and took arty photos and she stood out for being the ‘wrong’ green and we laughed because her side ‘air bumpers’ made her look perfect for the rocky terrain.

Citroen C4 Cactus review Citroen C4 Cactus lake district Citroen C4 Cactus family

Then we took her to Aira Force Waterfalls in Penrith where she had to sit and wait for us because it was quite a hike up the side of the falls and she was resting after her Honister Pass climb.

Citroen C4 Cactus review 3Finally we took her to the beach at Morecambe where she got to meet the famous statue of Eric Morecambe and she once again managed to stand out on a grey and rather overcast day.

Citroen Cactus at seasideSo what did we make of the Citroën C4 Cactus?

Well, we are really rather fond of her.
She’s funky, nippy and cheerful but roomy enough for a squabbling family and groovy enough to turn heads.
She was an easy, comfortable ride with loads of storage space
If we could change anything it would probably be the pop-out window in the back which the children found annoying and I found annoying having to listen to them being annoyed.  Also the digital touchscreen wasn’t always intuitive and pretty much all the controls were on there, so making minor changes was a bit of a faff, which isn’t great when you’re driving.

But these are minor complaints in a vehicle we really did grow rather attached to.
We grew to love the side bumpers too!

Citroen Cactus review 2

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Do you wish you could freeze time?


growing up so fast

Do you constantly wish your children would stop growing up so fast?
I do. All the time.
Hell, I write it all the time on this blog!
It feels like a blink and BAM, another slew of years slip on by and I’ve got a teenager whose voice is breaking and who wants to go on the train into town with his friends and doesn’t need me to do anything.

And I lament ‘oh where has my baby boy gone? Where are the days where he held my hand/sat on my lap/snuggled into my neck and fell asleep while watching back to back episodes of Ben 10?’

I miss chubby hands in mine, needy arms reaching up for attention. I miss little voices singing TV theme tunes for shows I’ve grown to dread because I’ve watched them over and over and over and over.

I saw a post on Instagram recently from Renata at thefelfis about her children growing up so fast.

Here’s what she said: “Most of the time I’m fine.. But sometimes and some days I have moments which I feel so sensitive and all I want is to cry. My reasons are usually related with the time passing by too fast. About the things that I have no control about. About my kids growing up, me getting older. I really try to do the best of my days each and every day but this anxiety just consumes me. I want badly the time to slowdown!!!”

Yes, I thought. Yes, yes yes!
But no. Wait a minute. When I thought about it I’m not that sad. Because actually the preteen/teen years are proving to be pretty awesome too. Challenging sure, but then so were the baby/toddler/first school years.

As your children get older you watch them become more independent and it’s a joy to see. Because you think to yourself I helped that happen. My parenting is working. I did that.

You never ever think the day will come when you’re OK with them leaving home. I could never imagine myself being OK with not actually knowing where they were, what they were doing, who they were with.
But it’s a slow build not a sudden overnight thing. My 13 year old now takes himself off on the train to our local town and the first time he did it I don’t mind telling you I CLENCHED the whole time he was away. But he did it and he loved it and he loved me for trusting him to do it. And that in turn made me feel great.

So anyway, the point of all this was to say that them getting older is a good thing; an exciting thing. Don’t lament the passing of time because watching them grow is a fabulous thing. The teenage years don’t have to all be bad and just like they are going through huge changes, so will you. And it’s all good 🙂

Posted in Dan & Mia, Family Life | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Travelling the world with your kids

Dan swimming

The whole of one wall of my 13-year-old son’s bedroom is covered in a world map.
Every time he visits a new country, he adds a pin on that map.
At the moment it’s fairly sparse – he’s visited Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France, Spain, Italy,  Belgium, America, Egypt, the Caribbean, Dubai and Finland. He wants to add many, many more pins.

What can be more exciting than discovering the world with your kids?
Seeing things through their eyes, rediscovering ‘old’ countries and discovering new ones together.
Just boarding an airplane is a hugely exciting adventure to them; not the tedious, endless queuing, endless showing of documents and stress fest we adults see it as.

We recently visited Dubai together (more on that trip to come) and tried to make the journey all part of the adventure – and that includes knowing what documents to carry, why we pass through passport control and why you need to down a bottle of water in 30 seconds flat before you pass through bag check!

So how can you make the preparations less stressful? I’ll share a few tips we’ve picked up over the years – let me know what your tips would be.

travelling the world with your kids

Travelling with young teenagers

1. Let everyone muck in.
When you’ve got older children you need to get them involved from the start. This is their holiday too, and they will love joining in the planning.
Take a look at the sort of family holidays you could go on – from beach holidays, to skiing, camping, city breaks or sightseeing, they’re all great for a shared experience.
Then get them involved – one day they will need to know how to navigate an airport on their own or understand where to go once you actually step foot in an airport, so let them start early.

2. Plan, plan, plan.
BUT don’t worry if your plans don’t come to fruition. Much like a wedding, it’s OK to have a vision of where you want to go and what you want to do, but try to go with the flow if your actual holiday veers from the plan. You might find you end up having an even bigger adventure!

3. Try something different.
If you usually jet off on a beach holiday, try visiting a different sort of beach or look for a different holiday altogether. Some of the best breaks I’ve ever had have been when we’ve opted to go someone I’d never really thought of before. One of my best friends has just returned from a family holiday to Croatia, where she said it is perfect for families.

4. Look for a good deal.
The dawn of the internet is a wonderful thing for travel, so utilize it. Allocate a decent chunk of time to shop around, you’re bound to find some good half term holiday deals. And take advantage of reviews – be they other bloggers or Trip Advisor where you can get most of your questions answered. If you like someone’s review and they have similar aged children, message them and ask more questions. I recently did this for our trip to Dubai and the reviewer gave us invaluable advice for travelling there with teenagers.

5. Remember you’re taking children
You can’t have the sort of holiday you did pre-children. You just can’t.
They can easily get bored, be it on a long journey, sightseeing or from being on their own. So plan accordingly.
Having said that, kids are totally open to new experiences. So, if they’re school-aged children, see if you can find things to do that tie in with their schoolwork and bring it to life. When my parents went travelling for six months with me, they had me keep a scrapbook of my adventures: write ups of places we visited, photographs, ticket stubs, interesting things I found on beaches etc. I’ve still got that scrapbook today.

Posted in Family Holiday, Travel | Tagged | 4 Comments

This is what 13 looks like

teenage boy

I come home from work to find him lay on his bed, his head buried in his phone. A typical teenage boy.
His head used to be buried in a book. I loved that about him. The fact that he would willingly read adventures and thrillers and comedies and the quirky novels I’d recommended.

He takes up nearly the whole of his single bed. His legs are so long. He no longer has chubby boy feet. They’re adult size 9.
He’s as tall as me now. Where did that come from? You think they shoot up as toddlers, but that’s got nothing on the growing they do when there’s a ‘teen’ tagged onto the end of their age. When we hug I no longer have to reach down. His head rests on my shoulder, not on my chest. But we still hug. All the time. We have this standing joke where I act all indignant that he hasn’t given me my daily hug and kiss when he gets in from school. He rolls his eyes and huffs and puffs, but he readily gives them out. I feel blessed that we still have this.

His desk is littered with the detritus of snacks he’s devoured the minute he walked in the door because he’s always hungry. Ravenous. An insatiable appetite, not helped by the amount of sport he plays.
The room has a whiff of Lynx about it. It’s still got all the Lego Minifigures he used to collect lined up on the top of picture frames. In amongst the childhood collections of interesting stones and Star Wars figures, there’s the signs of teenager boydom; a phone charger, a protractor, a tub of expensive hair wax.
He’s lying on his bed fully dressed but with his navy dressing gown on, which he wears like a smoking jacket! One of his little quirks.

The hormones have hit. His skin is changeable, his moods too. But he has a great sense of humour. He’s warm and interesting and funny. He laughs all the time.

Teenage Years: The Sequel

I’ll be honest with you, 13 feels like a reward for all the parenting hard work we’ve put in over the years. Now we get a glimpse of the young adult he’s becoming, I feel like all the tough times, the hair tearing, the self doubt, the cajoling, the persuading, the hand holding have all led to this. And it’s pretty darn cool, let me tell you.

I think you spend so much time dreading the teenage years you forget they don’t always have to be traumatic.
Sure we’re only at the gateway right now, but it’s feeling good. Positive. Exciting.

This week Dan starts his new ‘job’; a paper round. Which has meant setting up a bank account, organising himself, planning his own timetable. All valuable life lessons for a teenage boy.
This week he’s also on holiday with one of his best friends and his family in Spain.
It feels like another milestone. He’s taken another step on the stairs of adulthood. It feels like it’s time but at the same time I want time to stand still because he’s still my boy and I don’t want him to travel too far without me.
Literally and metaphorically.

Posted in Dan & Mia | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Dyson V8 Animal review

Dyson V8 Animal review

Let me sum this review up in one line: I am addicted to my Dyson V8 Animal and I’m not giving it up for anyone.
Pretty succinct I think? I haven’t left you in any doubt what I think about it, right?

I feel distinctly middle aged, but I don’t care; I bloody love it. I feel like I’ve been waiting a lifetime to own this gadget!

I was asked to review the Dyson V8 Animal by John Lewis and was a bit whatever about it, because, you know, it’s a vacuum cleaner. Nobody actually likes cleaning their house, right?
Oh but I do. I have been Converted. Intentionally with a capital C.

Let me explain.

Dyson V8 Animal

What’s to love? 

  • The vacuum attaches to the wall so it’s easy to access at all times. Except if your husband puts it in the most awkward spot in your whole house. It’s still super easy to get to even with his lack of thought 🙂
  • Not only does it attach to the wall, the wall fixing is the charger. So it’s always charged and ready to go. It literally slots in and out of the charger . You just whip it out and start vacuuming – there are no cables to contend with, there’s no puffing and panting as you carry it somewhere to start. There is no picking it up and realising it has no charge so giving up on the whole vacuuming thing.
  • It’s really lightweight and easy to use. In fact it’s so easy to use even my kids are happy to vac with it. Yes you heard me right. The kids don’t complain when I ask them to just whip it round the kitchen. Let’s face it, that right there has to be the biggest bonus of all.
  • It’s quite a sucker. As in the suction is great. It powers through the mud in the back of my car (rugby boots, dog, kids) and deals with the dustballs of dog hair that form on the wooden floor in my hallway brilliantly. I know, nice.
  • It also has a ‘max’ power button to give it that little bit of extra ‘oomph’ when you need it (and to be honest it rarely does).
  • It comes with all the tools you will need; a crevice tool (great word) for down the back of radiators, skirting boards, edges; a combination tool for surfaces, ceiling corners; a mini vac head for the car, stairs, furniture and the large vac head for floors, rugs etc.
  • My car has never been so clean. Before, if I had to get the house vac out, I’d literally wait until it was so bad even the kids passed comment. Now a 5 minute whoosh around and it’s pristine (ish) again.
  • I actually enjoy using it. That’s something I NEVER thought I’d say about any vacuum cleaner in this lifetime. EVER.

Dyson V8 Animal on stairs Dyson V8 Animal in car Dyson V8 Animal cleaning car Dyson V8 Animal review 2

What’s not to love?

  • The charge doesn’t last long enough for a whole house vac. But who does that, right? A quick whiz around the lounge and you’re done until tomorrow when you can give the bathroom 5 minutes of your time. If you have it on max power it lasts about 10 minutes. If you don’t have it on max it lasts about 20 and if you don’t have it on max and don’t have any tools attached it lasts about 40 minutes.
    However, I’ve found I now just vacuum differently. Ten minutes to do the car on max is plenty. Twenty minutes to do the downstairs is fine etc etc.
  • The dirt collector isn’t very big so you’ll be emptying it a lot. But then I guess if the chamber was any bigger, the vac wouldn’t have the bonus of being so lightweight, so you can’t have everything.
  • The price. It is rather expensive coming in at around £450. That’s an expensive vacuum. What can I tell you, it lives up to the hype and is one of the best vacuums I’ve owned (jeez I sound sad and middle aged!) Still, the fact remains that it’s rather an expensive bit of kit.

The verdict

So what did we think?
Well I’d say it’s one of the best gadgets I have in my house. And THERE’S something I never dreamt I’d be writing!

Dyson V8 Animal review 3
It’s easy to use, it’s lightweight and it’s really effective. I’ve gone from vacuuming the house once in a blue moon to saying “no no, it’s fine, I’ll get the vac out. No, I’LL get it”.

Yes yes alright, I’ll say it; the Dyson V8 Animal has changed my life. And if anyone tries to take it away, I’ll fight you for it.
Happy now?

Many many thanks to John Lewis for gifting this to me.

Posted in Other Review, Reviews | Tagged | 6 Comments

Get busy living

Mother of Teenagers

I am bloody exhausted.
Between exams and homework and after school clubs and my actual job, I am spent.
I thought being the mother of toddlers was hard work; this is up another notch. Because the thing with being the mother of a teenager and a pre-teen is, things really start to matter. More than ever before.

Right now, homework is essential. Revision isn’t something you can just hope will happen as they trot off to their room. The food they eat is more important than ever. Their friendships are vital. Their wellbeing is paramount. Them being quiet and spending more time in their room makes you question everything.
You’re desperate for family time, they’re desperate to be on their own or with their friends.
And on top of all this, you have the whole social media brouhaha thrown into the bubbling mix.
I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying and questioning myself as to whether we’re doing it right. Because now it’s bloody vital we get it right. Mistakes can have much bigger consequences.

Sure I worried when they were little, but looking back I should have just chilled out and let the love flow (in the words of the Bellamy Brothers) and not worried so much.

At the moment I spend school mornings cajoling and threatening and begging one of them to MOVE and end up shouting because it’s all so rushed and stressful and THAT’S the kiss on the head they get as they leave me for the day.
I then spend the whole day fretting and beating myself up and worrying about the effect it will have on them during the day and come home to say sorry for being the World’s Biggest Heel. And I’m greeted with a screwed up face because they have NO idea what I’m talking about as it all went over their head. 

But I’ll still do it tomorrow and the next day and the next day.
I’ll still torture myself. 

Of course, I have one child who does everything they’re told . . . but I still fret I’m not doing right by him too!

A photo posted by Tara Cain (@taralara) on

Here’s the thing. The point. I feel that right now my kids need me more than ever. I feel like the baby years, the toddler years, even the early school years I should have spent less time fretting. More time just enjoying and throwing my arms in the air and going “oh well” because really, everything turns out OK.
I wish someone had told me that. That actually it all comes right in the wash if you just throw a dose of consistency in there, add some boundaries and top it up with all the love.

Life at the moment is tough. Busy beyond belief. Relentless. Tiring.
But we’re getting there.

I am the Mother of Teenagers. Much like the Mother of Dragons, life is brutal, but very rewarding.

Posted in Family Life | Tagged , | 16 Comments

Hummingbird Bakery Lemon Cupcakes

hummingbird baker lemon cupcakes

It’s absolutely gorgeous here in the UK at the moment.
Spring has sprung, the trees are bursting with delicate blossom, the sunshine is finally out and warming our bones and the first glimmers of new shoots are poking their way up through the soil in the back garden.

A photo posted by Tara Cain (@taralara) on

I just love this time of year. It feels like we’ve hit ‘reset’ and it’s time to come alive and metaphorically take our socks off and show our toes to the world.
It’s a time for lazy late afternoon walks by the canal, saying hello to the sheep in the fields and coming home tired and happy to a zingy lemon cupcake. Or two. Or three.
And a cup of tea. 

A photo posted by Tara Cain (@taralara) on

Lemon cupcakes are the perfect treat during springtime. They’re light and tangy and bursting with flavour.
These are our favourite ones in this house. They have a core of lemon curd – adding that extra zing with every mouthful!
I’ve altered the recipe slightly to suit our tastes, but this is a great one for impressing friends with or even giving as a gift if you can manage to part with them!

This recipe makes 10 cakes because I make them using slightly larger muffin cases, rather than cupcake cases.

hummingbird bakery lemon cupcake

lemon cake

Hummingbird Bakery Lemon Cupcakes

120g plain flour
150g caster sugar
1.5 teaspoons baking powder
Grated zest of 1 large lemon
40g butter at room temperature
120ml whole milk
1 egg
Jar of lemon curd

250g icing sugar
80g butter at room temperature
Squeeze of lemon juice
couple of drops of yellow food colouring (optional)
25ml whole milk
Grated zest of half a lemon


  1. Preheat the oven to 170 degrees C or gas mark 3. Add your paper cases to a muffin tin.
  2. Put the flour, sugar, baking power, lemon zest and butter into a bowl and beat with a handheld mixer (or use a freestanding electric mixer) until everything is combined and you have a sandy consistency.
  3. Gradually pour in the milk until incorporated.
  4. Add the egg and continue to beat until incorporated. Scrape the sides of the bowl and continue mixing for a couple of minutes until the mix is smooth. The mixture should be the consistency of thick cream.
  5. Spoon the mixture into your paper cases until two-thirds full and then bake for 20-25 minutes or until your cakes are golden and the sponge bounces back when touched.
  6. Leave the cakes to cook on a wire rack and in the meantime make the frosting.


7.   Beat the icing sugar, butter, lemon and food colouring together until light and fluffy. Beat for around 5 minutes to make sure your frosting is nice and light and fluffy.

8.  When your cakes are completely cool, use a teaspoon to scoop out a small hole in the middle of each cake. Don’t worry if it’s not pretty, you won’t see it once the cakes are iced.

cupcakes with lemon curd

9.  Add half a teaspoon of lemon curd into the hole. Don’t overdo it as it will make your cake far too sickly 🙂

10.  Add your frosting on top – you can either just use a palette knife to swirl it on or use a piping bag as I’ve done.

11.  Finally grate lemon rind over the top to decorate.

hummingbird bakery lemon cupcake recipe

Posted in Food, Recipes | Tagged | 2 Comments

When is it MY time?

mum and the kids
I am my own worst enemy.
Since becoming a mother I just forget to do anything OTHER than be a parent.
My ‘me’ time is none existent.

There was a time I thought an hour on my own wandering around the supermarket was sheer bliss because I didn’t have a child hanging off one of my legs.
I refused to do internet shopping because that hour leaning on a trolley meant precious time to myself.
I thought to myself, I love shopping because that’s my me time. The bloody supermarket!

Before that I looked forward to going to the loo, so I could shut that door and not hear ‘mummy. mummy. mummy. mummy’ in that flat, monotonous tone asking for something they’ve already asked me five times for already.
Going to the loo was my ‘me’ time.

Gone were the back massages, the hours in the hairdresser’s chair, the lazy afternoon spent painting my nails. Hell I even had time to buff, shape and sort out the cuticles.

But babies come along and those days of spending time pampering myself were long gone; I went from sleek legs to only managing to shave the one because half way through dragging that razor up your second leg you realise your toddler’s bouncing on your bed and you’ve just heard an almighty thud.
Everything has to be done efficiently and at speed. There is no pampering involved.

This photo is from about 10 years ago. Right in the heart of prime I don’t have time for me territory. Mia had just cut her own hair, Dan was starting school and I was caught up in the whirlwind of pre-school parenting. And I bloody loved it.

And as with all things children, these phases pass. I’m now in the ‘they can pretty much look after themselves and I need to stop hovering around looking for something to help them with and sort my eyebrows out’ phase.
In the daily melting pot that is family life I need to carve out more moments for me. Because if I don’t I’ve only got myself to blame.
I find myself hovering in my 13-year-old’s room helping him pack his PE kit because that’s what I’ve always done. He doesn’t actually need me; in fact he’s glaring at me with that ‘can you JUST’ face.

But here’s the thing. While they have moved onto their next phase, I’m still floundering in the past.
So these past few weeks I’ve started to grab some me time.
A face scrub here, a pedicure there. Baby steps!

But. Truth be told I am still my own worst enemy.
I’m not ready for me time even though I know it’s vital to me being me.
Because the minute I find myself with a smidge of time to myself I go off in search of one of the kids to see if they need me. Because actually, being wanted by them still feeds my soul.
My dry skin and knotted back can wait a few more years.

Posted in Me | 21 Comments